Old Golfers Never Die, Inc.
a comic novel
by David Smyth
Is there a golf nut in your family? Give him this nutty novel as a birthday present - if someone doesn't brain him with a putter first. Anyone at the club deserve a booby prize? This book is it. (One copy for last place in the tournament, two copies for next-to-last).
In Old Golfers Never Die, two wacky golf promoters, Itchy and Gervais, and one television evangelist, Eustace Muddlestone, try to develop golf into what it obviously was always meant to be - a secular religion. Their dream is the creation of an awesome global inter-faith Center of World Golf on the premises of an abandoned nuclear power plant.
The star attraction is to be the embalmed body of Casey Flynn, the greatest golfer who ever lived. Flynn was struck dead by lightning just as he was about to win the U.S. Open - his sixteenth major world title. Itchy and Gervais have a contract with the champ to exhibit his preserved body in a heroic golfing pose. But Okada, a billionaire Japanese golf club tycoon and super-boss of one thousand Japanese gangsters, has hatched a sinister plot to hijack Flynn and smuggle him to Japan. Okada also plans to up the ante by hijacking twelve other deceased American golf champions to Japan.
In a climactic final scene at New York's Kennedy Airport, Itchy, Gervais and Muddlestone confront Okada for possession of America's departed golfing greats.
David Smyth is a former Associated Press writer and editor who now writes fiction (fiction being more fun). In his 33-year career at the international news agency his assignments included the Olympic Games and other major sports events.